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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence? An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself."

"A techno song lasted longer than my first marriage"

"I'm still mad NYC banned the lead paint I used to like sucking off my tenement windowsills. #DontTreadOnMe"

"So, a cannibal walks down the street.... ..... with a handburger."

"SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers? WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox"

"After a night of heavy drinking' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up."

"I was gonna make a dubstep joke... But I dropped it."

"My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he's got only his shelf to blame."

"My favorite way to respond to a knock-knock joke Person: ""Knock Knock"" Me: ""Come in"" Person: ""..."""

"How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? He'll do it **Juan by Juan.** (So corny, IK.)"