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Joke of the Day

"She told me to give her 9 inches, and make it hurt. So i fucked her 3 times, and punched her in the nose"

"Why can't women be botanists? Because they'll break the glass ceiling."

"Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say."

"*Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear"

"My only real regret in life is not pretending to be a shark in a heavily populated swimming area. But there's still time."

"When the priest says ""Body of Christ"" I say ""Thanks, I've been working out."" Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat."

"Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. ""Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."""

"They say in life expect the unexpected'. So I did, and f*ck all happened. I wasn't expecting that."

"Asked a friend if the hotel in town was hiring. ""I don't know, I bet you could check into it, though."""

"How depressed are you on a scale from 1 to ""regularly visits song lyrics websites""?"