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Joke of the Day

"*burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid DOCTOR: You mean constipated ME: No I've had a vowel movement DOCTOR: Get out"

"What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician? With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed..."

"Small problem with Donald Trump's like logic. Yes Donald, you can build a wall, yes you can make the Mexican's pay for it. But who's gonna build the wall?"

"How does Satan measure his mass? In pentagrams."

"TIFU by going to Jimmy John's for lunch.. Whoops, wrong sub."

"[interview] BOSS: How many words can you type a minute? ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean? ME: Well, like for example, pickle"

"Once, a bucket of Sodium Hydroxide slipped out of Skrillex's hands. He dropped the base."

"When they say a girl is dynamite In Pakistan, they mean it."

"Mexican jokes and Black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you heard Juan, you've heard Jamal"

"Fetish... I have a fetish for switching on air conditioning units. It gives me vent elation."