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Joke of the Day

"Me: What are the lyrics to every 80s sitcom I've ever seen Brain: Coming right up Me: Remember to pay that bill Brain: Nope"

"Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you're probably not making it out alive."

"White women will buy anything that has a cucumber/melon scent."

"I hate that I push myself to do so many squats and lunges only to be forced into walking like a penguin the next day."

"Yo mamma so bald... you can see what is on her mind."

"Two homeless guys see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" the other says ""don't you think you should pet him first""."

"Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble."

"What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend? Don't be koi."

"If a lion ever bites off your arm, try to chew some of his hair off before you run away. He deserves to look stupid until it grows back."

"Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice.."