50443

Joke of the Day

"At the disco last night. They played twist. I did the twist. They played jump. I jumped. They played come on Eileen. I got kicked out."

"What did Little Red Riding Hoods boyfriend say when he was asked about their sex life? It's all good in the Hood!"

"Fun fact about Germany... Fooled ya... There's nothing funny about Germany"

"If someone makes you want to murder them, don't hesitate to do it. That moment you wait is the difference between 1st and 2nd degree murder."

"Just another day grabbing random children by the shoulders and screaming ""I'M YOU FROM THE ""FUTURE!"" in their faces.."

"Trust me, it might sound like a clever idea, but if you're being frisked by a hot TSA agent, do NOT tell her, ""my balls are the bomb."""

"Me: ""This new flavour of Pringles is horrible."" Wife: ""You're eating a tube of tennis balls."""

"Why is it so hard to find Thor's brother? Because he stays low key"

"What is an Hommish woman's fantasy? Two Mennonite"

"Hopefully women like a mature man. Because when I say I can do it multiple times a day, I mean vacuum."