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Joke of the Day

"What's similar about a shy jihad and a bagpipe They only make noise once they've been blown up."

"Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once."

"[son hands me a picture he painted a school] That's great. Let's just put that in the 'maybe has epilepsy' pile."

"What's Sarah Palin's favorite thing to do in the summertime? Parah Salin."

"FBI: I can't unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised"

"Did you hear that Jim Carrey lost his left arm in a horrific accident? I guess that makes him all-righty then."

"My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.' What the make love is she talking about?"

"I carry a backpack full of receipts and gum wrappers and go through it while I'm at a cashier until someone who's frustrated pays for me."

"Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus"

"What kind of bees make milk, not honey? Boo(bees)"