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Joke of the Day

"I learned something new about Hordor (GOT SPOILERS) He's Canadian."

"The museum curator was able to identify the slutty violin... ...it was a Straddlevarious :("

"'No Panties Tuesday' is a thing, right? Or AKA, I really need to do some laundry."

"Therapist: Alright, let's start at the beginning Me: *Sighs* I guess it all really started when I wasn't born a centaur"

"I think I just figured out the name of the modern day Thieves Guild. EA"

"I saw a man at the beach screaming, ""Help, shark, help!"" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him."

"Is your smart fridge running? ""Yes? Well can you turn the damn thing off, it's breaking the Internet!"""

"Time for an update twitter. Please add a ""WHO CARES"" button right next to retweet and favorite."

"Ideas are like kids Don't have them"

"Them: We're concerned about you. We think you're a Black Widow [offers me cake & coffee] Me: No thanks. I'm trying not to eat between males"