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Joke of the Day

"I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness."

"My favourite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart."

"Santa Clause for Halloween. Axe Murderer for Christmas."

"What do you call a mushroom with a 12 in stem? A fungi to hang out with"

"My girlfriend treats me like a god She ignores me till she wants to ask for something"

"Where did Jimmy go after the explosion? Everywhere."

"As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail."

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... I'd use it to buy some rental properties and try to invest some in the market."

"Would you people tweet something funny so I can steal it already? I need to update my Facebook status."

"Why I hate 9/11..... I hate 9/11 because my cousins died doing their favorite thing... Flying Planes."