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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar.... with a ship's wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him, ""Doesn't that hurt?"" The pirate replies, ""Arr! It's drivin' me nuts!"""

"A sadist met a masochist... and said ""hurt me"" ""No"" said the sadist."

"Is it any wonder men have been obsessed with sex since biblical times? After all, Adam was ribbed for his own pleasure"

"I had an ambivalent girlfriend once, but I had to dump her. I found out she was addicted to Meh."

"What is the largest moth the world has ever seen? A mammoth"

"Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?"

"Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion."

"I only had a few friends before I got on Twitter. Now I don't have any."

"The person who invented knocking should win the Nobell prize"

"I bet hipster zombies just act like regular people."