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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day."

"How do you stay warm in a cold room? You go to the corner cause it's always 90 degrees."

"Why does Bernie Sanders only drink skim milk? He can't stand the 1%"

"Did you hear about the midget Scotsman who does avant garde strip tease? He's a little off kilter."

"(NSFW) What's a vagina's favorite type of music? Cuntry!"

"Speaking of one-liners,"

"[phone rings] ""Mr Hughes?"" ""Yeah."" ""We need u to come pick yr son up from school."" ""Ugh. Whats he done now?"" ""Nothing. Its nearly midnight."""

"Sick of the media always blaming video games for the rise in fantastical jewel-seeking quests."

"[trick or treating] ""Oh, what a cute little...what's she doing?"" Me: potty training. ""In my pumpkin?!"" Me: She likes the heated seat."

"I called a rape advice line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims."