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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump can become President, you can do anything! Unless you're Mexican, Muslim, Black, Chinese, to be honest any type of immigrant.... What am I saying, we're all fucked"

"What do you call a cow which can no longer produce milk? An udder failure."

"What is the difference between an 8 year old fine wine and a bad wine? One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all."

"Why do jews have such big noses? Because oxygen is free"

"A novice asked his zen master if it's ok for Buddhists to use email. The master answered: ""Yes. But no attachments."""

"I always wanted to be Batman when I was younger. Not because of the money or the gadgets. I just hated my parents."

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only half the things that come out of her vagina are retarded"

"What do you call a Chinese millionaire? Cha-Ching."

"[5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?"

"I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake.... But I can show you the whey"