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Joke of the Day

"ANCHOR: Now over to Mike for the weather. ME: IT'S REALLY WEATHERY RIGHT NOW, CARL, WITH MORE WEATHER TO COME! THAT'S IT FOR THE WEATHER!"

"HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary."

"If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships."

"I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills."

"[blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but its really hard to get them inside the bulb."

"My grandad was killed by a zulu He was having a shit in London zoo and the roof fell in."

"I think some drugs should be legalized... but cocaine is where I draw the line."

"I tried changing my reddit password to ""penis"". It said it wasn't long enough :("

"What's the main difference between light and hard? I can go to sleep with a light on"