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Joke of the Day

"If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles."

"I once called my teacher mom I was home schooled"

"Your mom farted... And the Universe came into being."

"When someone asks ""You know what I think?"", I say ""Yes I do"". End of discussion."

"I came here for... ...funny jokes in the comments."

"Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know."

"Forgot it's April fool's! What's the simplest way to really quickly get some friends so I can prank them?"

"I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalks... ...for keeping me off the streets"

"The American flag Red with blood Blue with tears White with privilege"

"What do Ted Cruz and Donald Trump's father have in common? They pulled out too late."