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Joke of the Day

"Don't argue with strangers on the Internet. Save up all that negative energy for your coworkers and door to door salesmen."

"If you're in a clown posse, you don't need to tell us you're insane. We know. Nobody's thinking you're an emotionally stable clown posse."

"Checking my phone one more time before I go to sleep because apparently 533 times wasn't enough today."

"What's six inches and not getting sucked today Whitney Houston's crackpipe"

"How do you make a pool table laugh? Jiggle its balls"

"Mother Paper Bag: We need to talk. Teen Bag: *removes earbud* What? M: Your father was plastic. T: But - M: It's true. You're a mixed bag."

"You may be able to drive but do you Avocado"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? IT'S BEEN DECADES, SOMEONE TELL ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE."

"I know a few people who are the human version of an email missing the attachment."

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup"