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Joke of the Day

"""If you film it, they will cum."" That's the tagline for my new baseball porno, Field of Creams. Based on the life of Hoeless Joe."

"One grape lived for lying around in the sun. It was his ""raisin d'etre."""

"The difference between your boyfriend and Ronda Rousey is... Ronda actually gets paid to disappoint people for 48 seconds."

"*catches son swearing through sign language* ""We don't use that language in this house"" *hands him hand sanitizer* ""You know what to do"""

"Mommy? Does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

"Missus and I splitting. I blame her new job. Ever since she started at EA, our definitions of ""exclusive"" have really diverged."

"How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they can't climb the ladder."

"How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder ""Instruction Manuals."""

"Hello Alcoholics Anonymous? I'd like to anonymously report a bunch of alcoholics getting together in my neighbor's yard. ""Sorry sir, that's not the point of the program"""

"How does a chef relax? He beats his meat"