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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic... My liver is evil and it must be destroyed."

"Whoever coined the phrase coined the phrase is a fucking asshole."

"If Bob The Builder's slogan is ""Can he fix it?"" then he's not really a builder is he? More of a repairman."

"Plucked from obscurity by the glorious hand of RT the little tweet shouldered its way into your timeline with eyes that shined like justice."

"Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed? To feed her nightmare."

"What is a dog's favourite food ? Anything that is on your plate !"

"Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb? A: He holds it in the air and the world revolves around him"

"So a Saudi guy says to his American friend, ""In my country women can't drive"". The American says, ""I'm not surprised. They can't drive in my country either."""

"Did you know that if you laid the entirety of my intestines out in a straight line you'd likely be incarcerated for many years?"

"(Slightly racist) What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? One can finish a race."