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Joke of the Day

"If I ever opened up a nail salon, I would definitely name it ""Handjobs""."

"Just did a spot on imitation of a new born calf while trying to gracefully exit a hammock."

"Apparently its true. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"""Why are the good ones always taken?"" - Me, staring at the assorted cookie tray"

"How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear? Color coded: ""Yellow in front, brown in the back"""

"Thinking is bad... thinking is bad... it ruins every 3 out of 2 relationships"

"I wanted to dress as Glenn Beck for Halloween, but I couldn't find enough ignorance and hate."

"What do you get from 3 girls from Arkansas? Damn near a whole set of teeth."

"So a cannibal was eating his sister- No, wait. It was a hillbilly..."

"Two parrots were sitting on a perch One says to the other... Do you smell fish?"