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Joke of the Day

"Dicks are like bullets Small calibers don't penetrate shit, and the exploding ones really fuck you up."

"I slept with a Blind Girl She kept telling me how huge my cock was but I'm pretty sure she was just pulling my leg."

"Did you hear the theme song for new Lego Blade Runner? Everyone's a replicant!!! Everything is cool when nobody's real!"

"My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that."

"David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut."

"[interrogation] ""What do u do for a living?"" Jewel thief. ""Louder for the tape."" [leans in] Cool beef. I bring hot beef down in temperature."

"If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...all over my crotch when I'm driving."

"Why did the dolphin commit suicide? Because its life had no porpoise!"

"If you're happy and you know it please don't burden me with your fucking joy."