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Joke of the Day

"God must love stupid people. He made SO many."

"""Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures,"" I mutter after each rabies shot."

"Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads"

"[1st date] So, what's your back story? ""I have scoliosis"" No, I mean your BACK STORY, like your history ""Oh! I got scoliosis as a child"""

"Found a note on my door today that said ""You're Awesome!"" (: I'm the one that wrote it. But still... feels fucking good!"

"How many blonde jokes exist? One. This one. The rest are all true."

"A transgender walks up and says.... ...I'm like Hanna Montana, the best of both worlds!"

"That voice inside my head has a different accent every time I read a new tweet"

"I once farted in an Apple store... It's not my fault they don't have windows."

"There was a prison break and I locked eyes with a midget as he climbed up the fence. As he jumped over he sneered at me and I thought, ""Well, that's a little condescending."""