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Joke of the Day

"I yelled at my wife ""Your miniskirt is way too short!!"" ""Thats because its made for a woman"" she replied ""Now take it off & give it to me"""

"People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people."

"All microwaveable popcorn packages should be accompanied by dental floss"

"I just want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa... Not like the passengers in his car who were screaming quite loudly."

"Fun fact: the person who said ""If you love something let it go"" died alone, surrounded by 342 cats."

"My doctor wouldn't examine me when I said I was having hearing problems... He just said it was ear relevant"

"How is a teacher like a hooker? They're both pretending that they're enjoying it."

"What makes the scarecrow so good at his job? He's outstanding in his field"

"What did the composer say on a date? ""I'm a Classic Romantic....I'm also Baroque."""

"Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie"