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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it annoying when someone sits next to you in an empty cinema? I didn't think so but that's what my new best friend is telling security"

"*me looking in refrigerator* freezer: hey buddy my ice are up here"

"What weighs more than a car and uses a lot of fuel, but hardly ever moves? Your mom."

"2 cats are racing across the English Channel, an English cat named ""123"" and a French cat named ""Un deux trois."" Which cat won the race? A: The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank."

"How do you trigger a feminist? You've got male."

"Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days."

"What class does everyone remember fondly from Highschool? Nostalgebra"

"Had to get sticky tape and gift tags surgically removed from my body at the hospital... Proving once again that white guys can't wrap."

"Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van."

"You're like an opera singer.... Cause it's all about me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-meeee ----Robert Kelly"