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Joke of the Day

"Every political Facebook status should start with, ""First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."""

"It's not that he liked big butts; it's that he could not lie. THAT'S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood."

"I KNOW WHO TWEETED THAT! -Me when reading ecards on Facebook"

"What do you call a piece of pasta that doesn't have any friends? Cannelonely!"

"Whoever named them ""sugar cookies"" could've tried a little harder."

"Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper-tea is theft."

"What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot... You fucking racist"

"I was talking to coworkers about quitting this job and working as a pornographic actor... I decided against it, because I realized I was quitting ""This fucking job for that fucking job."""

"Can you ""pray away"" asparagus pee?"

"Dreading going to gym. It's kinda late. Open 24hrs, tho. Hey, you know who else is open 24hrs? McDonalds. Yeah. I'm going to McDonald's."