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Joke of the Day

"Luis Suarez has confessed he had planned on biting Wayne Rooney. However,he also said he doesn't like the taste of shit."

"I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint"

"How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond? Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser."

"I like to wear latex gloves to the doctor. Then he knows I can quickly retaliate if he gets too handsy."

"I think when shit hits the fan you really should rethink why and where you have that fan."

"My favorite way to mop the bathroom floor is to give the kids a bath. The walls, too. Yup, and ceiling."

"How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to pay a Mexican to do it, two to deport him afterwards."

"A hunter brings a bear into his own home. His friend asks if he's crazy, and the hunter responds ""Just bear with me"""

"Good names Barry McCockinner Ben Dover Eileen Dover Dr. Hugh G. Rection Give me other ones"