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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that your local graveyard doesn't allow anyone who lives where you are to be buried there.... ....As they need to be dead first"

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"Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones."
"My little sister's cat died... ...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat."
"Where does Sean Connery sit? In the toilet."
"A man with Schizophrenia says: ""I used to be Schizophrenic... but now we're better."""
"What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to? Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one."
"What do you call an Italian guy wearing a flourescent track suit? A DayGlo Dago"
"Sometimes, eating is very similar to driving. You trust stale greens"
"""As one door closes, another one opens,"" he said. ""That's all well and good,"" I said, ""But until you fix it, I'm not buying the car."""
"If green gummy bears are strawberry flavored, what is the flavor of yellow gummy bears? PHLEGMon"