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Joke of the Day
"*gets up off bed* *puts pants back on* Oh...so you...you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?"
Next Joke
"Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis."
"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...all over my crotch when I'm driving."
"What did the IT guy say to his wife after she complained about their love life? "" Did you try turning me off and on again?"""
"""I have parrot-like reflexes."" ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"""
"What is one thing that both Australians & Americans share the same view on? 1961"
"Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me ""Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"""
"What do you call an aligator in a vest? investigator"
"I would make a joke here... ...but Amy Schumer doesn't need any more material."
"How do you make a 4 year old girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear."