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Joke of the Day

"why are we mad at Beyonce for cultural appropriation when we could be mad that she made us listen to a Coldplay song?"

"What do you call a blowjob from a homeless person ? A Bummer"

"If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say ""This woman looks like she wants extra cheese."" That's ok"

"What would you call a supervillain that could control every part of the electro-magnetic spectrum except 495-570 nm? Magento"

"What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire? This is not a drill."

"When in dangerous situation - you should always sleep with one eye opened. Especially if you're a Cyclops."

"I love money. I set it free and it didn't come back. Relationships are hard."

"Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: ... H: ... M: ... H: Why are you hesitating? M: I'm not sure which answer will get me laid."

"""oh cool a sewer level"" --nobody, ever, playing any video game, ever"

"What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a pit bull? The pit bull will eventually let go."