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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste..."
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"Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton."
"To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again."
"There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus"
"It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people."
"Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it's going to be stuck that way forever"
"Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us."
"i dont care what anyone says, i dont have a follow up statement i just dont care what anyone says."
"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"
"Cop: Know why I stopped you? ""You heard the song I was playing?"" Cop: Yes I did, and now HERE I AM ""ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"""