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Joke of the Day

"Either that loud scream was a patient yelling for help or Fred pulled the string on the bird's tail for quitting time- Why my cw hates me"

"What do you call a cavator that isnt a cavator anymore? an EXcavator"

"I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen"

"Isn't it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It's like, do I want to tell people that there's a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right?"

"""I like your pushy."" Sean Connery talking dirty to his woman"

"What's a mass in your body that is really helpful? A cyst!"

"Today is World Alzheimer's Day! Just in case you forgot."

"I gave my russian wife a shirt.. but all she did was iron curtains. PS: Found a similar comment."

"Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."

"Hillary and Trump are on a sinking boat, who survives? America."