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Joke of the Day

"if people really didn't want to hear smartass responses they wouldn't keep asking questions like ""do you know why i pulled you over?"""

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, that's why they hate each other."

"Anne Frank's famous last words. Brb, door"

"Okay stranger, it's clear that we walk at the exact same pace, speed up or at least hold my hand."

"What did Antonin Scalia's pathologist write in his autopsy report? Cause of death: Hippy-energy induced heart attack. Time of death: finally."

"[quietly] ""Always a bridesmaid never the bride"" BRIDE: Hey, you're not one of my bridesmaids! ""Shhh...this day is about you, not me."""

"Reporters Why did the reporter only dunk chips in the middle of the dip? He just wanted the inside scoop."

"""Would you just look at all this bullshit?!"" - enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers"

"What's it called when you a kill a sapling? Arbortion"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's a trick question. Feminists haven't changed anything."