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Joke of the Day

"11% of my life has been spent watching things load 12%"

"a disturbing new trend called hot bowling: teens order a breadbowl full of soup at Panera & attempt to eat the breadbowl BEFORE the soup"

"I'd like to personally invite Conan to bring his entire show to Nebraska. We can work out details later."

"Why did Obama and liberals decide to tax aspirin? Because it's white and it works"

"How do you embaress an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."

"I'm still confused as to why I was arrested for stabbing the starbucks barista in the face when she didn't know what a large coffee was."

"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."

"In which month do women talk the least? February."

"When did mathematicians get their independence? March 14."

"A Pirate walks into a Bar A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his belt buckle. The bartender says ""what's that on your belt buckle?"" Pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"""