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Joke of the Day

"I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in..... ""Troy."" he said, suddenly. ""I am."" I replied. ""Give me a minute"""

"What's worse than ants in your pants? ...uncles"

"9 just scolded me at the grocery for buying wine. I told him it was ok, I was 21 to which he loudly responded, Nooo, you're 38. Thanks son."

"I like my coffee like I like my women Cinnamon roasted, french pressed, with bit of sugar, and I'll add my own cream."

"I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me"

"A partnerswitch? How about a partnerswitch? I'll bang your wife and give you a handjob after!"

"I went to France yesterday to see a soccer match... I had a blast!"

"They can't spell for shit, but cats sure are good at Photoshopping text on photos and uploading them to the internet."

"Before gravity was invented you had to tie down your cows or your cows would just float away"

"You know what happens when you assume? You make a smug asshole recite a tired cliche to you and me."