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Joke of the Day

"Tomorrow I'm definitely going to start running, no matter how many days it takes!"

"""This is your Captain speaking. My co-pilot just bet me we can't do a barrel roll. So fasten your belts cuz I got five bucks riding on this"""

"Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go."

"How many redditors it takes to change a lightbulb? [OC] It only takes 1. But another 999 to repost this 100% original joke. I made this."

"What do you call a person with no nose or body? Nobody nose!"

"What do you call the prequel to The Purge? The Binge"

"I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"

"Went to the zoo and the only animal there was a good looking dog... It was a pretty shih tzu"

"During pelvic exam: Dr.: Your cervix is very high. Me: OMG, weed affects your cervix too?!"

"How can you tell if your son is gay? Ask him to go to a football game. If he can't go, because he's busy sucking his boyfriend's dick, he might be gay."