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Joke of the Day

"I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the batch of cinnamon rolls in the oven!"

"I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist!"

"Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine? Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'"

"What did C.S. Lewis say about The Lord of the Rings books? ""I don't know what you're Tolkien about!"" Yeah, sorry.. I know it's dumb."

"Advertisers: you can stop using ""it will change your life"" as a selling point. Cocaine, unemployment, and AIDS will also change your life."

"Interview: ""What's your greatest weakness?"" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?"

"I prefer to think in terms of ""good"" cholesterol and ""misunderstood"" cholesterol."

"Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Beats. Beats who? Beats me."

"What do Lena Dunham & ISIS have in common ? They both love stoning women."