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Joke of the Day

"I'm no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it's 4AM and I'm making up words again."

"I took the bus home when I was drunk yesterday Unfortunately they made me give it back today"

"I'm 100% straight So straight I don't even like touching my own dick to masturbate. My friend Dave does it for me."

"Damn girl, are you a haunted house? Because I'm scared to come inside you."

"Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice, baby. - Me taking inventory at the cryogenic infant storage facility."

"I'm starting a magazine called ""Jugs"". It's mostly about pottery."

"Getting pretty tired of having to add my own sugar and calories to my diet coke..."

"Michelle Wolf on A Friend's Pregnancy One of my friends is pregnant. And I'm really excited. Not for the baby but because she's one of my skinniest friends."

"As a kid i looked up to Bill Nye the science guy, but as of today after learning about him i will probably look down on him. And people at my level would agree. I'm 6'3 and he is 6 feet tall."

"friendzone how many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."