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Joke of the Day

"I watched craps at the casino for over an hour tonight until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom."

"A man said to me ""hit me with your rhythm stick you four-eyed sod."" That's just adding insult to Ian Dury."

"I posted something about Turkey in /r/news [deleted]"

"I have such bad luck getting a girl to come over... I watched the video from ""The Ring"" and the creepy chick called seven days later and said something came up and she couldn't make it."

"""exorcise"" and ""exercise"" sound alike because they're both the work of the Devil"

"People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist..."

"What's your emergency? Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes."

"I quit smoking for good Now I smoke for evil."

"Why Can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is Silent!"