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Joke of the Day
"I haven't slept for ten days... ... Because that would be too long."
Next Joke
"[me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers] And here we see these little liars hopping on sand."
"My grandpa told me my generation relied too much on technology I told him ""no, your generation relies too much on technology"" Then I unplugged his life support"
"My wife dared me to yell out ""HURRY UP HAYDEN"" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn."
"They say a woman's work is never done that's probably why they get paid less"
"A girl told me she'd only date me if I had a six-pack How can I get beer if I'm under 21?"
"Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night."
"You know what really grinds my gears? Friction"
"Why did the Jews roam the desert for 400 years? Someone lost a quarter."
"If a shark attacks you, DO NOT punch him in the nose. Be the bigger person and just ignore him."