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Joke of the Day

"let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,"

"Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it."

"A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation."

"How many decades of knowing someone before it's rude to ask what their name is?"

"I wouldn't mind getting arrested today because I'm having a great hair day and my mug shot would be fabulous."

"Why do women have trouble parking? Because men tell them that 6"" is more than it actually is."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did; in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the other people in his car."

"If you're upset about the presidential election, just wait four years then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye"

"What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other? They were MAROONED!"

"Why were Popeye's forearms so big? Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage."