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Joke of the Day

"I can't afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair."

"Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door."

"Paris Hilton says that bees frighten her. I bet the rest of the alphabet does too."

"Okay body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the ""energizing"" claims. You're soap."

"[gets pulled over for speeding] Where's the fire ma'am? *grips lighter* ""I'm not sure yet"""

"If men had periods our commercials would be awesome..."

"I went to a really posh school. In fact it was so posh, the Gym was called James."

"And asks for a drink... A time traveller walks into a bar."

"I accidentally swallowed some scrabble pieces. My next shit could spell disaster."

"What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis and gonorrhea? An incurable romantic."