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Joke of the Day
"Snake walks into a bar... Bartender says ""How'd you do that?"""
Next Joke
"I like when babies cry and you make the same noise as them, and they look at you like, ""Wow. That's annoying."" and you're like, ""I know."""
"What do you call a virgin in West Virginia? An only child...."
"The earth revolves around the sun. So, I guess if you want me to revolve around you, you're gonna have to set yourself on fire."
"Dictator Vegetable Who was the Dictator Vegetable who was responsible for the death of millions of people? Muammar Gourd-affi."
"Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise."
"I climaxed on a blind girl's boobs yesterday She didn't see it coming"
"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise"
"Call me a little softy... But I'd rather you call me a man with a small penis and a flagging erection."
"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent."