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Joke of the Day

"What's the best thing to come out of a penis? The wrinkles. (Told to me by my mother)"

"I called a rape advice line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!"

"My wife has just come home and asked how things went with the baby. Now in mild panic mode as I thought she took the baby along with her"

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.. That's not a miracle. That's tapas."

"Meta - Despite the rumors I am not stepping down as Mod for /r/jokes. Here's why. I wasn't a mod in the first place."

"This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister"

"What is Superman's comedy sketch show called? Essen-El"

"Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels"

"My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there's only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person."