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Joke of the Day

"Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention."

"What do you call a bomb in a French kitchen. Linoleum blown apart."

"I wore a Seattle Seahawks jersey to my midterm today. I know I shouldn't but ill pass."

"If you had sex 365 times in one year and melted the rubbers down to make a tire, what would you call it? A fucking Goodyear! ! !"

"4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!"

"When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?"

"You wanna read a joke? My internet points"

"What do you call a baby Muslim? A hand grenade."

"The Tea Party sounds quite nice until you discover their tea tastes of homophobia and their fondant fancies are made of guns and rage."

"What do you call someone who's representing a bike shop? A spokesperson."