28285

Joke of the Day

"Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention."

"Why aren't there any republicans in Star-Trek? Because it's the future."

"How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South? Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!"

"Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know."

"What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common? Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time."

"How did the clock get cancer? Second-hand smoke!"

"What is love? The energy of life. What is marriage? The energy bill ..."

"[about to message girl he likes] Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid. Brain: OR"

"How did Reggie Rocket's brother die? Otto Erocket Asphyxiation"

"I froze some paint today. Now it's just one solid color."