27047

Joke of the Day

"[Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah."

"My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said ""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"""

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One; changing a light bulb is a fairly simple task which usually doesn't require assistance."

"This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it"

"What's the best part about having a dog lick peanut butter off your balls? Finishing."

"I live in a high crime neighbourhood if you count socks with sandals."

"Bukkake is like buses You wait ages for one to come, and then they all come at once."

"MOVIES: Ok, time for bed kiddo. *child kisses parents and goes to bed MY HOUSE: Time for bed. *mixed martial acrobatics is now a sport"

"Social services would take the kids away if they saw my house right now. Does anyone have their phone number?"

"What would you call an EDM producer on a flagpole? Datsik but not dat well."