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Joke of the Day

"Test boast, please ignore. Mitochondria are better than yourtochondria."

"The US Government"

"Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea. Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong."

"We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there."

"Remember, your neighbours aren't going to be attacked by killer bees on their own. You have to want it. You need to make it happen."

"Sanders supporters are like... that kid in class that gets Fs and Ds the whole semester and then says ""If I get a 100 on the final I can still get a C"""

"Guys, this may all be some sort of marketing ploy, but if the email I just received is accurate then local singles want to fuck."

"I bought my cat a box of wine... The selfish rascal only wanted to play with the box! Also, it turns out I have a serious drinking problem and no cat."

"PMS jokes aren't funny... Period."

"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."