25309

Joke of the Day

"Father Christmas: All right my good lady my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out... there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets."

Next Joke
 
"Made this up two days ago: What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him? I have Grey Poupon me"
"""We need to kill the terrorist NOW"" But how.. ""The human body is 70% water"" Jesus, you know what to do *terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*"
"Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV? There was too much sax and violins."
"7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape? And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like"
"A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells ""WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!"" A man calmly stands up and says, ""You ain't got enough bullets, mate."""
"Thought I saw God in my rear-view mirror yesterday... Turns out it was just a dog."
"When I was a kid I made all of my toys watch Toy Story so that they knew I was on to them."
"There was a girl pushing an suv this morning while the guy steered. Feminists everywhere must be scissoring in victory."
"Q: What's that thing called when you're only attracted to married men and gay men?A: Oh. Single. It's called single."