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Joke of the Day

"I went for my physical yesterday. Nurse came in the room and she said ""I'm going to have to ask you to stop masturbating"" I was like ""What? Why!?"" She said ""because I'm trying to do your physical!"""

"Why did Stephen get an A on his test? He held his teacher at gunpoint and forced her to give him a good grade despite the fact he got an F."

"HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING"

"How do you call a dog with no legs ? You don't call it, you pick it up."

"What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river? Quatro-cinco"

"What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker? Don't poop where you scoop."

"Beer:""You know what would be funny?"" Me:""No. What?"" Beer:""Really? Finish me and have four more then I'll ask again."" Me:""Yes, sir."""

"Good luck listening to 80's music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses."

"I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers"

"My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid. I had to put my foot down."