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Joke of the Day

"there's nothing quite as American as eating when you're not even hungry"

"Wanna hear a pizza joke? Nah it's too cheesy!"

"Girls with long nails explain to me your life. Like, do you not touch things? Do you enjoy dirt?"

"Me: I'll write u a haiku! Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku. Me: *deletes ""how to spell high-koo"" from browser history*"

"How is a NASA Shuttle similar to Sex with Your Mother? ... They both burn on re-entry."

"Eating pussy is like going on a roadtrip with your wife You don't want to stop and ask for directions and you dont want to admit that a handheld device could do a better job than you"

"What happens when your scrotum touches the edge of the toilet bowl? Ebowla."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the food before it was cool..."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He won't come when you call."

"I walked past a drug rehab facility today. There was a sign on the front lawn that read ""KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"""