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Joke of the Day

"Long, satanic walks on the beach."

"When do virgin guys get some ass ? when their fingers go through the toilet paper"

"The 'C word' My girlfriend hates it when I say the ""C word"". This one time, we were watching Spongebob and I'm like ""hey, its 'C word'!"" and shes like ""it's Squidward, you cunt"""

"I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked."

"Caffeine is like my psycho girlfriend. As long as we're together everything is great, but if I ignore it for one day, it tries to kill me."

"What do you call an insane nocturnal blood-sucking parasite? A lunartick."

"Why can't Democrats sell pants? They believe in a single-pair system."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago."

"You people from the internet freak me the fuck out."

"A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel shoved down his pants. The bartender says, ""hey pirate that's got to be hard to walk with."" Pirate says, ""aye, it be driving me nuts."""