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Joke of the Day

"If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep."

Next Joke
 
"I would settle for life handing me anything citrus right now."
"So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse... If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat."
"What is Steve Job's favorite food? *Nothing because he's dead*"
"I never know how much to tip a cow."
"I stole a jar of jelly from a friend... While I was blasting some Daft Punk. He chases me down yelling ""That's my jam!"""
"Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!"
"When you tell me to behave you really should be more specific. Behaving badly is still behaving. Technically..."
"Out of all the children's stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh"
"I don't know what you guys think about Michael Jackson... and these blackmail allegations but I'm pretty sure he used to be one."