229726

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height"

"Wtf I feel like I pay these bills every month."

"My friend asked me if I had any black in me I told him not since I got out of prison."

"NSFW - If you need to voice search the web for new directions don't say it too fast"

"I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero."

"When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box"

"What is the difference between Jesus and a painting? You only need a nail to hang a painting."

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley. After months of therapy I'm finally battling my Damons."

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only 1/5th of what comes out of her vagina is retarded."