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Joke of the Day

"They should put Prince on the $20 bill... They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's ""The bill formerly known as a twenty."""

"The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club."

"Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is ""Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"""

"How cold is it outside? It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"[uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you're worthless and nobody likes you"

"Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves... ...Free"

"I feel bad for spiders. I tripon my two feet all the time. Can only imagine the hell a clumsy spider goes through."

"Is that a cop behind me? No, just a car with a bike rack. Or maybe it's an undercover cop with a bike rack? -Weed"

"Just realized all my tweets are about my genitals . Time to change the subject. Do you believe in aliens ? If so , do they have genitals?"